just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
