I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
