Christians are straight up FREAKS
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
