My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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