We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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