Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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