why didn't you poke me back
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
