my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
