on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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