I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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