White coat. Heels.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
