People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
