Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
