You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my sisters under your porch take her home
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
try to milk me bitch
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