please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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