walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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