i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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