is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
