Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
