yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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