Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
