Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
