I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
