So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
