I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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