that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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