Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am midnight drunk by noon
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
