you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
