16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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