Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
