LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
