your parents love me but you hate me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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