good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
