New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
