bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
try to milk me bitch
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
