its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You made out with two different species that night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
