I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
