saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
