I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
