Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
