Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
