I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
