dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
