i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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