If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
