I have demons in me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
