I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
