I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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