i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?