Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here