she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public