I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
