help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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