LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
