So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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