i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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