I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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