wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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