Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
