Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
