last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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