Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can I color on your dick again?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize