I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want to have your abortion
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
