Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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