You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
