Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
