Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
