Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
