She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
