And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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