i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
